she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I won the penis lottery.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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