I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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