i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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