Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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