Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
how drunk are you?
Several
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
