he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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