Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize