How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
