The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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