dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
