just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
