you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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