and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
