yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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