you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
