I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
