he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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