the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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