I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
