I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
