Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
