I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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