Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
