Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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