i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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