I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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