So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I supernannyed him into submission
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
