there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
