Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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