Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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