All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
