He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dicks are not precious.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize