i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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