Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
