My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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