I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
