It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
