I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
