Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
