I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's rum buckets o'clock
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
