i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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