After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
