Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
