So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
