There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
