Plan B is the new Plan A
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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