Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
