another moral hangover. fuck.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
