On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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