we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
