FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
