i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
