i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
