Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
