i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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