So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
