For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
