why do cheetos always look like penises
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
