Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
