If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
