The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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