you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
