This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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