Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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