im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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