I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
