Quick, to the slutcave!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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