If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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