We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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