Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
