how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
