is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
