my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
