i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
