Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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