Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
false alarm, still single
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
