Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Floor bacon is actually really good
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
