if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
