found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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